When violence becomes a woman’s fate

For many women, violence and discrimination are social stratification and family structures. From the moment a girl is born into a lower-middle-class family, she is treated as a temporary member of her own home: a guest who will eventually be married off and leave. She is often told that her parents’ home is temporary and that her “real” home will be that of her husband.

This thinking begins a lifetime of unequal treatment. A daughter may be considered less entitled to her parents’ property than a son. Her education is treated as secondary, whereas learning how to become a “good wife” and caretaker of the household is considered her primary responsibility. Once married, her financial affairs may be placed entirely under the control of her husband and, in some cases, her in-laws. If she is fortunate, she may receive care and respect; if not, she can be subjected to neglect, humiliation and violence while being expected to continue caring for her husband, children and household.

A woman’s financial independence should not be regarded as a privilege granted by her husband. It is a right. Yet many women remain economically dependent throughout their lives, leaving them vulnerable when a marriage becomes abusive. Without education, skills or an independent source of income, escaping an abusive household can become almost impossible.

Recently, I met a young girl named Unsa. She was married at the age of 16 to a boy of approximately the same age. Her mother had died when Unsa was only five. She was left with a sister and a brother, both older than her. Her father runs a men’s salon in the city, but his income is barely sufficient to meet the family’s daily needs.

Unable to afford their education, he stopped his daughters’ schooling. In doing so, the girls lost something fundamental: their right to education and the opportunity to build independent lives.

Later, a marriage proposal for Unsa came from within the extended family. Her father accepted it, and she was married at a very young age. The marriage had not even completed a year when she was forced to leave her husband’s home and was physically assaulted by her husband and his mother. The disputes, by all accounts, were trivial.

The situation became even more disturbing when Unsa became pregnant. Her uncle declared that the unborn girl, when born, would eventually become his son’s wife. When Unsa refused to accept this arrangement, she was severely beaten by her uncle and husband; although she was pregnant.

She has now given birth and is living at her father’s home. But the expenses associated with childbirth, raising a child and meeting her own basic needs are beyond her father’s limited means. Faced with poverty, he may feel compelled to persuade his daughter to return to a home where she has already experienced physical abuse.

This is where poverty, lack of education and social attitudes converge. A woman may know that she is being mistreated, but have nowhere to go and no financial means to support herself and her child. Eventually, she compromises with violence and calls it fate.

But violence against women must never be accepted as fate. Nor should a husband believe that marriage gives him the right to assault his wife, control her finances, or take decisions concerning her children against her will. Such practices were patriarchal customs that have no place in a just society.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasised kindness and good treatment within marriage. A wife is not a servant or a burden; she is a partner and companion through the difficulties of life.

Therefore, empowering girls must begin long before marriage. Education should not be sacrificed because a daughter is expected to leave her parents’ home one day. Girls should be encouraged to pursue formal education as well as vocational training and practical skills, including embroidery, tailoring, digital skills and other forms of work that can provide them with financial independence.